A life that was

Thoughts of you engulf my consciousness. 
I'm reminded of all you were and all you wanted to be.
I'm in awe of your strength, your courage, your love.
I feel the pain of your absence like a cold, hard downpour I can't escape, no cover to be found. 
I'm drowning while the world watches and there is nothing to be done but be wet. 
I put on a smile, cause who likes to frown but it feels raw, forced, bleak ahead. 
I'm trying. 
I'm trying to make sense of the senseless, the unattainable, the reality that is. 
If only I had a moment to connect again ...

If only I had a moment to connect again

I would hold you up,
like the sky holds the stars on a dreary night. 
Safe and secure up there in the vast darkness  
with room to shine their light so very bright upon the world. 

I would listen to your fears, your hopes, your dreams 
like the sand hears the waves at the ocean's end.
Constantly present, but never predictable,
quietly awaiting the next whispers to be spoken.

I would wrap you up in a blanket of love
like the sun does each morning with her gleam upon the surface.
Never wavering in occurrence and always there behind the clouds
bringing life and warmth to the world. 

You're gone and as the days fade on, 
I'm left to bare the pain, to bare the sorrow.
I'm trying